SWEET FUCKING CHRIST! THE HOODLUMS OF THE IMPULSE BRING UNTO YOU... ::::: :::::: :::::: :::::: :::::::: :::::::: :::::::: :::: :::: :::: :::: :::::i:::: ::::r:::: :::: :::::m:::: ::::e:::: :::: :::::p:::: ::::a:::: :::: :::::u:::: ::::l:::: :::: :::::l:::: ::::i:::: :::: :::::s:::: ::::t:::: :::: :::::e:::: ::::y:::: :::: ::::: :::: :::: :::: :::: ::::: :::::::: :::::::: ::::: :::::: :::::: IMPULSE REALITY PRESS ONE HUNDREDED - RELEASED 1/17/2001 HOLY SHIT DUDES!@% [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] -oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo- [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] HI BUDDY!@# As you are probably already aware, this is the uber-elite IMPULSE REALITY ISSUE 100! What does this mean to some lame-ass nobody like you? Well, let's ask our monk friend here... _=_ q(-_-)p ESSENTIALLY, THE CENTENNIAL ISSUE OF THE REALATIVE IMPULSE '_) (_` MEANS THAT YOU, THE BIG DUMB READER, HAS SUFFERED THROUGH ONE /__/ \ HUNDRED TEXTFILES OF COMPLETELY RANDOM CRAP THAT PUSHES THE _(<_ / )_ BOUNDARIES OF ABSOLUTE CRAP TO A WHOLE NEW (LOWER) LEVEL! (__\_\_|_/__) HOLY SHIT DUDES!@$#% Now that our monkish friend has broken his vowe of silence to explain it to you, we can move on to the REAL purpose of this text file... BIG AMERICAN PARTY TIME!!!!!111!!1!!11 That's right! It's time to GO CRAZY and let it all hang out. In the textfile sense. REALLY! Because this is what IMPULSE REALITY is all about: NOT REALLY MAKING SENSE!!!! GET IT?!? See? I'm just typing STUFF in at RANDOM & not stringing any of these ideas together at all!$# I DON'T EVEN THINK THAT SENTENCE MADE SENSE! See how WACKY we are???? But YOU'RE still reading it because you are fucking STUPID man!!!!!1111!!1!!11!1 ANYWAY, WE HERE AT IR FEEL YOU DON'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT US! (isnt using all caps annoying kinda like when you dont use punctuation or anything and every thing runs together making for a choppy read but its all RAW man RAW like our mind so we keep on going because thats how we FEEL and we all want to FEEL something even if all we can FEEL is PAIN right) ANYWAY!!!!! We here at IR feel you don't know enough about us, so here's the INSIDE SCOOP on us dudes, dude!!!!111!1!!1 -oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo- linear -oOo- 1st IR issue: #001, "Conflagration, Jr. High" Quote: "Weak things have power. Only the truly weak are free of the temptation to dominate, to harm. That is why democracy is about weakness, why it is to the weak we turn for help when we are beaten, condemned. That is why poems continue like the air." (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I grew up with a computer, I was always on it. It wasn't until about 6th grade though, that I discovered the internet... or rather, AOL. Yes, I was an AOL WaReZ child! I'll admit it, but I'm not proud. Through AOL, I found out all about this WaCkY underground culture. And I liked it. So I decided to overstay my welcome, and here I am today. (2) What do you like? I like writing. I like being able to manipulate people without anyone realizing it (oop! I've said to much). I like my girlfriend. And I like ezines (like HOE!). I'm very into punk/indie/emo music. I like orgasms. I'm quite fond of listing things I like. I like humor. I like phreaking and the computer underground. I like criticizing movies. I like poetry. I like philosophy. I like Buddhism! Most of all, I like YOU. (3) Do you have any goals? Eventually I want to become a teacher (I want to corrupt the minds of the nation's youth). But mainly, I want to someday be able to say that I've done something SO COOL that it's rendered me IMMORTAL. But in the meantime, I want to inspire, or at least offend a lot of people. (4) What does IR mean to you? Impulse Reality is a handful of writers who have nothing better to do (and no other place to do it now that HOE is dead). But for me, it's also a very good way to vent. I usually write when I'm in a particularly bad mood, because it's the only real means I have to express emotion (even though half the time when I am mad, I write happy/humorous stories with no point, but that's beside the point). (5) Which other IR author would you like to score with? (including non-staff writers) I've heard nawleed is a fine piece of ass. -oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo- nawleed -oOo- 1st IR issue: #012, "a poem" Quote: No. I refuse to put a quote here. Fuck you. (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? I keep tellin' y'all, I don't really consider myself "involved" in the "computer underground," whatever the hell that is. Uh, but as for ezines, I was introduced to 'em through (WHAT ELSE?) cDc, and I forget what happened after that. (2) What do you like? I like typical nerdy kid stuff like reading and music. I also like movies, but I haven't seen very many good ones. Uh, I also like sleeping. Maybe that's too obvious. (3) Do you have any goals? I have this strange feeling that I'll die pretty young, so I haven't set many goals for myself. I will most likely go to college, after which I will have a series of boring jobs, followed by retirement and death. (4) What does IR mean to you? IR is a stupid god-damned ezine that doesn't really matter at all. It also, taken in a different context, can mean other things, which I'm not going to attempt to list, because it'd be pretty pointless. (5) Which other IR author would you like to score with? (including non-staff writers) I suppose that by "SCORE WITH," you are referring to coitus, the physical act of love. In that case, I would like to "SCORE WITH" Ardillita, if for no other reason than that she is linear's ex-girlfriend, and being with a girl who was with linear would turn me on. Do you see the subtle joke there? That implies that I am gay! If that isn't funny, I don't know what is. -oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo- Xade -oOo- 1st IR issue: #002, "Words Unheard 1.0" Quote: Life is but moments.. when you have lived a moment... it is a moment passed; live each moment as if it were your last. (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? Well i dont know if any of the other kids had computers when i was young.. but i always played games and messed around with DOS commands on our 286/386/486's .. watched my dad mess with computers and asked questions.. that's how it started and now it's electronics, unix, linux... and i guess i just kinda 'became' a part of the 'underground and ezines' thing.. linear asked me to write for IR and i thought it might be an interesting experience... (2) What do you like? writing, poetry, german, my pocketwatch, sea monkeys, soldering, my scanner, computer, unix, linux, freebsd, the colour orange, weightlifting, powerlifting, veggies, scifi books, technical books, skating (love my skateboard!), my guitar, bass, swing dancing, german music, bowling, knee-high boots and knee-high socks (which i've had forever.. all of a sudden someone famous starts wearing them and it's trendy? wtf?! hehehe), being alive, punk/hardcore/80s/swing/big band/classical or just about anything i feel like listening too.. (3) Do you have any goals? Planning to be a Comp Sci major.. want to go into unix/linux system/network admin type stuff (4) What does IR mean to you? Outlet of expression.. finally i can direct my energy into something and focus without limits or boundaries.. i have a place to say whatever i want to say... whatever is on my mind whatever it may be.. comedy/tragedy/drama/anything (5) Which other IR author would you like to score with? (including non-staff writers) Well.. I dont know if linear or jaded are much for bowling... but it would be pretty damn cool to play them.. then we'd all score... or at least the winner could score with me... hehehehe... -oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo- Jaded -oOo- 1st IR issue: #082, Gloomy Abyss Quote: I don't believe in America Or the "American Dream" I don't believe in nationalism We're all the same Until the rich old men who control the world find something they can't have And they send us out there to kill each other, let the rich fight their wars themselves (1) How did you get involved in the computer underground and e'zines? Ever since I was about 10 years old I have had a computer of some kind in my posession. When I finally got internet access it was like I opened a door to a different world. I was overwhelmed with the massive amounts of information that I had at my fingertips. Since that day I have been into the internet and all things connected to it, which would include the computer underground and e'zines. linear took a large role in introducing me to certain entities, such as the wonderful concept of zines. (2) What do you like? I really enjoy writing. It is a form of expression that has always been my utmost favorite next to the internet. It's weird that just a few scratches on a piece of paper (also known as words) can have any impact at all. I like girls. And I especially like women with big breasts. I'm very into my punk music. I like phreaking and mostly anything computer related. More than anything else I like Xade in a shoebox of green jello wearing nothing but her router. (3) Do you have any goals? I don't have many goals. More than anything I want to make my impression on this society that is ours. Until then, I'll just do what I can to "make my ancestors roll over in their graves". (4) What does IR mean to you? Impulse Reality is a way of life. The files that are submitted are real in one way or another, whether it's an actual animate object or it just dwells in the writer's mind. IR is a good way for me to express my feelings in an indestructive way and maybe possibly give others some understanding to how my twisted wacked out mind works, but I highly doubt it. (5) Which other IR author would you like to score with? (including non-staff writers) Well, I think this question just kind of answers itself. Xade is by far the hottest writer on the IR staff. So I think it goes without saying that I'd mount /dev/Xade in a second. -oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo-oOo- WASN'T THAT FUCKING ENTERTAINING?!?!?!?!?!? IS THAT WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT WITH YOU? /ENTERTAINMENT/?? There's more to life than entertainment, folks. There's also love, !! And we HOODLUMS of the IMPULSE really LOVE each and everyone of you. We don't care that you're ugly, have no friends, probably fat, spend your life on a computer, and masturbate chronically. We love you just the same. Why? Because that's what the REALATIVE IMPUSLE is all about, folks. FEEL IT??? BUT HERE'S A MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION.... what is VIRTUE? Are YOU virtuous? Do you LIVE A LIFE of virtue? Or have you already condemned yourself????!?!?! JUST KIDDING!@!$%$ We here at IR don't CARE about VIRTUE! We only CARE about YOU, baby! So love us! Because hey, we LOVE you. [-------------------------------------------------------------------------] OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! IT WAS ANOTHER FUCKING IR FILE MAN! Copyright (c) 2001 IMPULSE REALITTY PRESS - http://ir.phonelosers.net [-------------------------------------------------------------------------]