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        .d""b.                impulse reality press no. 153
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     $$ $$                        "Chop Your Fingers Off"
     $$ $$                       written by ELeKTriK-hEaD
     $$ $$                          released  10/7/01
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 we type.  we pick our noses.  we point the finger of blame at
 an innocent soul.  "don't point that thing at me!"  we could give
 another human a 'peace' sign with our pointer and middle fingers
 to illustrate unity and friendship towards each other...  but instead
 we only use one of them, because most of us are imbeciles that 
 are too lazy to express ourselves through speech.  what is so 
 damn difficult about saying "fuck you" to someone?

 i have come to a conclusion.  we should all cut off every single 
 one of our fingers!  what does this accomplish?  sheesh, why do you
 ask such a stupid question?  it fixes every problem that society has.
 there would be no middle fingers, therefore no more road rage.  think
 about it..  if someone were to cut you off and you use that damned
 middle finger to vent all of your repressed aggravation, frustration, 
 homosexuality, and whatever else you have going on inside that 
 anxiety-filled mind of yours, there is an 80% chance that the 
 gentleman in front of you whom you so kindly told was #1 will either
 shoot you, or beat you up.  sucks to be you, UNLESS, you do not
 have that middle finger to do something ignorant like that.

 how many stories do you hear about a girlfriend of a friend that just
 so happens to do this or that, gets drunk, goes out and gets 'fingered'
 by some guy..  or worse yet, has sex with some stranger.  no worries!
 with my patented 'fingerless system' your freak of a girlfriend will not
 be able to even open a beer, or hold one in her hand for that matter...
 or a cup, pencil, or anything for THAT matter.  ladies, don't think your
 boyfriend is being loyal?  well, cut off his fingers..  and/or his penis.
 without fingers that man will never be able to unzip his pants again!

 what are the other benefits of a fingerless society?  no more high five's,
 c'mon people!!  those went out with the advent of the half nod.  that
 trekkie giving you the devils 'v', aka..  the vulcan hand signal?  not
 anymore my friend.  society can definitely do without sock puppets.
 what about the famous teensy-weensy-spider song?  i hate spiders!
 what the hell is the pinkie for anyhow!?!?  for the people that do not
 want to ever get married..  hack that ring finger off!  

 we need to be more diverse in this day in age, also.  there are far too 
 many people WITH fingers in this world.  have some compassion for the 
 lepers!  why should they be the only one's to live without fingers?  so 
 next time you're in wood shop, stick your hand where it says not to, 
 volunteer to get that toy car out of your dads lawn mower blades, if mom 
 loses a fork down the garbage disposal..  you know what to do, or you could 
 always feed that friend that you don't like a gourmet finger sandwich.
 
 whatever you decide to do with your life, and fingers, is up to you..  and
 you alone.  ofcourse that would just be silly not to cut off your fingers, 
 though.  keep the faith, not the fingers.


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   the clever thing to do here would be to put some sort of copyright. no.
                         http://www.phonelosers.net/ir
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